Hi! My name is Yehoshua. I was born prematurely in the 24th week. I have been in the hospital for more than 9 months since I was born. That is a very long time. I have been through a lot. The nurses and staff here call me Joshua.
I want to tell you a little about me and my Mommy and Daddy.
The nurses and doctors and all the medical staff and even my parents think that since I am just a baby I can’t really understand what is going on. But it’s not true. I hear and understand a lot more than everyone thinks. I may have trouble breathing and digesting foods but my brain is very much developed. Sometimes it is hard for me just lying there without much to do. I am so eager to explore and use my mind as much as I can. I realize a lot of what is going around me. That is why I am able to write to you about my Mommy and Daddy. Even they don’t realize how much I know of what they do for me. I want to share some of it with you.
My Mommy and Daddy are both so special; they love me so much to pieces and I love them so much to pieces also. I wish I could tell them how much I love them, because they have gone through so much for me. So much happiness and also so much pain, so many tears, so much of their time, and so many tefilos. Even though I can’t talk to them and tell them yet, they still know how much I love them. Because when they come in to my room to visit me all the time they see my body relax. I recognized their loving voices from the time I was born and I get so happy when they come to visit me. I even hear my nurses say all the time that when Mommy and Daddy visit me I seem happier and more relaxed and I even breathe better! I love it every time they visit me.
My Mommy is the best Mommy in the world and she loves me so much. My Mommy is amazing. When I was born she stopped working at her job so that she could be with me for a long time every day. She has come to visit me practically every day since I was born over nine months ago. I am so happy when she comes because then I am not lonely and I know she is taking care of me. I also know that she is talking to all the nurses and nurse practitioners and doctors to make sure that they are giving me the absolute best care that they can and that they are doing everything they can for me.
My Mommy is so great because she comes to visit me so much and she is doing all this talking to the medical team all the time. If she feels that something more can be done to make me feel better then I know that for sure the medical team will hear from my Mommy about it! I know that the medical staff gives me better care because they know my Mommy is on top of them! She is always talking to the medical team to advocate for me. Even the nurses and doctors and so many of the hospital staff have said many many times that she is the best advocate for her baby they have ever seen in their experience in the hospital!
My Mommy is so smart and she talks to people and reads up to make sure she understands my situation and what the doctors are saying. I once heard the Head Doctor call my Mommy a “Doctor”, because she understood so much of my medical situation. My Mommy remembers things which the doctors told her months before. Once my Mommy said something to one of the head nurses and the head nurses mouth dropped wide open! My Daddy even told me that one of doctors said about my Mommy, “I love her, she asks good questions, she listens, and she is so smart”!
The truth is that I know that it is not easy for my Mommy to always visit me and to talk to all the doctors to get them to help me; My Mommy doesn’t know it but I even saw her cry a few times because she was so concerned for me. But even though it’s hard and my Mommy didn’t ask to have to do all this, she does it because she cares about me and loves me so much and she feels so responsible for me. This makes me feel so secure knowing that I am in her so talented hands.
I like it so much when she reads books to me. I could feel her love pouring out of her every word. And I like looking at the pictures. My Mommy knows just which books I like!
What is really super about my Mommy is that now she knows so much about nursing, almost like a real nurse. (Because she is my mother and she is always around me there’s even some things which she knows even better than some nurses! (But don’t tell them that, it might make them feel bad)! My Mommy knows what positions I like lying in, and what makes me happy and what makes me comfortable. She knows that I don’t like having dirty diapers and I like being clean. I am happy that she is almost always around so that she could help the nurses and show them what to do. Even when she is not with me she can tell the nurses what to do over the phone. That’s fine with me because of course even my Mommy needs a break! She can’t always be by the hospital. And I am tough! I can manage on my own when my Mommy is not here for a bit. Even the nurses all say that I am very strong!
All the nurses are also very nice. They love me and they take such good care of me. I even heard some of the nurses say that when they are not in the hospital they call to see how I’m doing. Once I even heard my Daddy tell my Mommy that one day when I wasn’t doing so well one of the nurses was talking to my Daddy on the phone and she was (almost) crying because I wasn’t doing so good. And some of the nurses said they don’t sleep well at night when I am not doing well! The nurses and my Mommy work together so well so that together they could give me the best possible care. I am so thankful!
I am so proud and lucky to have such a special, amazing, smart, loving, Mommy!
Now I want to tell you a little about my Daddy.
My Daddy is the best Daddy in the world and he loves me so much. My Daddy goes through a hard day at work every day and he is on his feet for many hours. But ever since I was born my Daddy tries his best to come visit me even though he is so so tired. I could tell he is so tired because sometimes when he is holding me or if I am just in the crib, I would see him falling asleep. But even though he is so so tired he knows how much it means to me and to my Mommy when he comes to visit me in the hospital. So he puts in a big effort to come as much as he can to visit me. I love it sooo much when my Daddy visits me. I feel his deep love for me pouring out of his big heart. It makes me feel so secure.
And then my Daddy sings to me. My daddy sings from his heart. He doesn’t know it but a lot of times I see tears in his eyes when he sings to me. He tries hard not to let me see him crying. But sometimes he just gets overcome with emotion and he can’t control himself. He sings in such a nice, soft soothing voice. Even the nurses and other babies enjoy hearing his singing. His singing calms me down so much and makes me feel very good. I heard the nurses tell my parents many times that when I hear my Daddy’s singing I relax and I breathe better. One of the nurses even had a great idea. She suggested that my Daddy sing into a CD so that I could listen to his singing even when he is not here. That’s what my Daddy did. And for the past many months the nurses always play my Daddy’s singing on the CD in my hospital room. It fills my room with warmth! I love it!
My Daddy cares about me and my Mommy more than anything else in the whole wide world. It hurts him so much to see me uncomfortable or to see my Mommy so concerned about me. I know he tries to shoulder as much of the burden as possible to try to make things easier for my Mommy. My Daddy tries to be as strong and put together as he can. But a little birdie told me that often when my Daddy is driving to work or to or from visiting me in the hospital, he breaks down in tears. I know that he reserves these moments for when he is by himself, in the car. Although it is very hard for my Daddy as well, he doesn’t want me or my Mommy to see him cry so much, so that it won’t discourage us. He always tries to stay positive and smiling when he is with me and my Mommy. But when he is alone then his emotions come pouring out. He also composes songs while he is driving. (Don’t tell that to my Mommy)! Because when he is alone he gets very emotional and his songs come straight from his heart. Then I get to hear my Daddy’s new songs when he comes to the hospital and sings them for me! Hearing my Daddy’s songs fills me with warmth and happiness. And if I am lucky when my Mommy and Daddy are together in the hospital with me, my Mommy hums along also, and that is extra special!
Sometimes my grandparents and aunts and uncles from close by come to visit me, and sometimes even my grandparents and aunts and uncles from far away come to visit me. And sometimes even some of my parents’ friends come to visit me. They bring my Mommy and Daddy food and they bring me presents and they sometimes hold me. It means so so much to me. It makes me feel like though I am in such a big hospital in such a big world and I am so small, still I am surrounded by so many nice loving family and friends, even those who can’t come visit me. What a great feeling! I feel good knowing so many people are davening and care for me.
It has been a long road starting from my first day in the hospital. At first I didn’t know what was going on and I felt very lonely. And then one day I felt such an incredible new thing. I felt my Mommy and Daddy’s finger slip in to my hand. I was very very very young then, and I didn’t know exactly what to do. But I did know that I really wanted so much to connect to my Mommy and Daddy through holding their fingers. And I did just about the only thing I was able to do. I squeezed those fingers with as much strength as I was able to gather. That was the first real connection I had with my Mommy and Daddy. It felt soo good to be able to connect to them in that way. And I know that my Mommy and Daddy loved that moment. Even to this day I know my Daddy gets emotional when he thinks about that moment. Then came the most special day ever. The doctor said that my Mommy and Daddy were allowed to hold me! This was one of the best things which ever happened to me. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn’t wait to feel the love of my parents coursing through the hugs which they would give me. And my parents were overjoyed as well. My Mommy got to hold me first. It was such an incredible feeling. And then my Daddy got to hold me.
My Mommy and Daddy have been through so, so much since I was born and even before that.
No matter what is happening to me I know that my Mommy and Daddy are there for me, thinking about me, and loving me. That is what keeps me going.
I am so lucky to have such a special, amazing, loving, great Mommy and Daddy!
Now I want to give you a message. I know that there are so many children and adults who are sick in the hospital or at home, or who are no longer with us anymore. And you, their parents and their children or whoever it may be put in so much effort to visit them and always be with them and make them happy and make them feel good. They don’t even know everything! Almost as much as my parents do for me!
I want to tell you that your children and parents and siblings appreciate so much what you do for them also. They could almost write this same exact letter! Everything you do means so much to them. And though they can’t always say it or tell it to you, this is what gives them the strength and courage that they need. It is you, their parents and children and siblings. I know it, because I am in this situation. I have been in the hospital for a long long time. And that is why I could tell you that your love to them means the whole entire world to them. No matter who it is, even children that weren’t born yet and now they aren’t here anymore; the love, tears, and pain, and concern which you go through for them is extra extra special. This is what keeps me going and what keeps them going. Trust me! I am telling you!
I feel that in a way I am their voice; I want to say a huge thank you to you on their behalf!
Thank you everyone for the sacrifices you make and the deep love and concern you have and for everything you do for your relative in need. You are our heroes!
Thank you Mommy and Daddy, for the more than nine long months of sacrifice which you made for me Thank you Mommy and Daddy for the hundreds of tears you shed for me, ones that I saw and ones that I know about but didn’t see. And thank you Mommy and Daddy, for the deep tremendous love which your hearts are so filled up with for me. I love you so so much too! Thank you Mommy and Daddy.
Love, our dear son, Yehoshualeh
Everybody please daven and learn for me, Yehoshua ben Nechama Aliza that I should come home healthy soon!
L’zchus Refua Sheleima Yehoshua Ben Nechama Aliza; L’iluy Nishmas Chaim Pinchos ben Yaakov Yitzchok