WRITTEN BY SHMUEL T. ADLER
Sequel to Part 1: I wrote in Part 1 how with everything going on with our son Yehoshua, in large part due to Yehoshua’s being transferred from the NICU to a rehab hospital, writing Yedid Nefesh articles was threatening to become a burden for me and a source of stress. I felt that writing these articles, which are intended to provide inspiration and support to others, should not be a source of stress for myself. So I came up with the idea to shorten the articles, thereby making them easier on myself as well as the reader.
Once I made that decision, writing the articles became much easier and I began once again to look forward and enjoy thinking about and writing the Yedid Nefesh articles! It really made a big difference! My hope is that readers appreciate the shortened articles as well!
Baruch Hashem Yehoshua has really improved since he transferred to the rehab hospital!
In Part 1 we spoke about the idea that G-d did not intend at all for the mitzvos to be a burden on us. Quite the contrary, if a mitzva is bringing about stress for a person that shows that the mitzva is not properly being performed. G-d loves us, and His mitzvos are an expression of that deep love, not meant to cause us pain.
Just to add a small point to this; The first words of the Mesillas Yesharim begins by saying that the most fundamental key to serving G-d properly is to make crystal clear to oneself what one’s true responsibility is in serving G-d. If one thinks about this statement, we see that there exists different ideas in serving G-d, some correct and some ideas incorrect. One must ensure that they know what the correct path is. This means that it is not so clear what the appropriate way to serve G-d is and mistakes can be made about this. People can mistakenly observe a mitzva in the wrong way. Followingly, if mitzvos are the source of stress for a person, this is a wrong way! They should think of ideas and get advice to find out how to properly observe the mitzva in the correct way – in a stress free manner.
To continue about this idea which we are discussing, it really is much broader. G-d loves us; He understands that we have negative feelings and emotions, and because He loves us it is important to Him that we stay away from this negativity. Not only didn’t G-d intend for the mitzvos to be a source of stress; just the opposite. G-d puts a person’s well-being and emotional stability – before – the mitzvos!, as we see from the coming thought.
The following thought shows so beautifully just how broad this idea really is. I have heard this thought from more than one Rebbe of mine.
We all know the famous Chazal saying “Derech Eretz Kadma L’torah”. This is generally taken to mean that the importance of one acting with “derech eretz”, proper manners, comes before the importance of Torah. There is an alternative understanding of this saying, as follows. “Derech Eretz” in this verse is not referring to one acting with proper manners, rather it is referring to a person’s state of being; their emotional stability and happiness! Meaning the importance of a person’s well-being, taking care of themselves, and being emotionally happy and healthy, in G-d’s eyes comes before the importance of learning Torah and doing other Mitzvos! (Of course one should get advice before making halachic decisions based upon this). Perhaps contrary to what is common belief, this shows so clearly how big of an emphasis G-d puts on His concern for a person’s well-being. G-d wants us to be relaxed and happy!!
Here is a practical example of this. There was a bochur learning in yeshiva who was very intense about his learning. Eventually, whenever he sat down to learn he became stressed and got headaches. When this boys Rebbe found out what was happening, the Rebbe told him that he must focus first and foremost on his emotional well-being. Only once he gets that sorted out and he can relax and be happy when he learns, should he shift his focus back to his learning.
There is a mashal which clarifies this idea even further. A visitor once traveled to look at another kingdom. He wanted to see how the people related to their king. What would best display to this visitor the relationship between the citizens of the kingdom and the king? If he saw all the citizens walking around looking uptight and stressed because they’re trying to follow the kings orders then that looks terrible on the people’s relationship with the king. But if the citizens all look happy and as if they were enjoying obeying the king’s orders, then that shows a great relationship between the king and his citizens. It shows so well that they truly love the king and visa-versa, the king loves them. The same thing with us and G-d; G-d, our benevolent King, wants us to be relaxed and happy as we serve Him!
To be continued . . .
L’zchus Refua Sheleima Yehoshua Ben Nechama Aliza; L’iluy Nishmas Chaim Pinchos ben Yaakov Yitzchok