WRITTEN BY Shmuel T. Adler:

 

I hear my alarm ring distantly. I wake up with a start, exhaustion weighing my eye lids down. I lay there clinging tightly to those hard-found feelings of security which came only with sleep; sometimes. That feeling is so attracting. My body just wants to succumb to the forces drawing me back to that tantalizing sleep.

But my thoughts are not in my control at the moment. I am so over-tired I don’t remember where I am. I ask myself, “Where am I?!” Through the cobwebs engulfing my brain it suddenly hits me with full force. I am across the street from the hospital where my only child is laying, clinging to life.

Any comfortable feelings which had come to me with sleep disappeared instantly. The questions shoot through my still slumbering brain. What happened to my dear, beloved baby during the night? The baby who my wife and I waited so long for him to enter our lives; The baby who when we knew about his existence we became so excited. Did his precarious, life-threatening situation change overnight? I fervently hope that it changed for the good. But maybe it changed for the bad.

Immediately I feel my heart begin pounding loudly. Pressure shoots through my forehead, bringing a crushing headache in its wake. My entire body is screaming, all I want to do is fall back into that blessed blissful sleep which I had just come out of. I just want to escape the overwhelming waterfall of fear which is crashing down around me.

Then some of my senses kick in. I do not even have the option of returning to sleep. I have to go to work. With everything going on with the baby the bills still must be paid. Even more bills since the baby is in the hospital. I gotta go to work so that I don’t have to have the pressure of struggling to pay my bills. I have to be on time so I don’t have to worry about losing my job. I don’t have a choice. I must force myself to get up. How could I go to work when I’m so worried about my baby?!

Then my eyes just collapse on their own disregarding all arguments. But after five minutes of fitful sleep I jolt back awake again. This time I know if I sleep a minute longer I will be late to work.

My brain tries sending my body the message that I must get up. I am so tired. I feel tentacles wrapping themselves tightly around my heart. My head is pounding loudly competing with the beating of my heart. I manage to drag myself up to a sitting position.

I glance over to my wife and I see her tossing and turning. Booossshzzz. I feel a rocket of pain shooting through my head as I realize that, once again, my wife didn’t get much sleep. Her so-special sensitive heart is filled to overflowing with worry about our baby. I fill with emotion, feeling so helpless that I can’t think of anything to help alleviate her over-bearing worries. The tentacles wrap themselves tighter around my heart. Stress is threatening to become my middle name.

I turn my thoughts back to getting up and I feel enveloped in a vast darkness, all alone. I feel dark, heavy weights pushing me down. It is so difficult to take that step of entering my life and leaving the security of my bed behind.

Then, not for the first time since my baby was born my brain realized it is cornered. I am reminded that there is a G-d watching everything, Who loves me deeper then I could ever imagine. All that is left for me to do is to turn to Him. I silently talk directly to Him. Tears come to my eyes. I pray, I beg, and I plead, G-d, pplleeaasse get me through this difficult morning.

Just then my eyes glance around the room and they rest on the vase full with bright-colored flowers sitting on the dresser. Through the dark fog my memory begins to fill with the beautiful emotion which I had felt at that time. My parents had called to tell me that they were sending flowers, long distance, to be delivered to us. I was so touched. My parents and siblings lived so far away yet they knew how to show their love as if they were right near us. This is far from the first time which they displayed their great concern for us. They were moving heaven and earth to get so many people to pray for us.

Once again, now, as I gaze at the flowers, I am filled with that beautiful emotion of love and warmth. I feel that security, knowing how much my parents and siblings are thinking of me. My brain relaxes a bit, as that warmth slowly spreads through me, and I feel that I am not alone.

The emotion is too great for me, and I break down sobbing quietly, not wanting to disturb whatever little sleep my wife may manage to get. Tatty and Mommy and the rest of the family, your love means so much to me.

My thoughts drift back to the present. I must get up. I try to wipe away the tears, but they keep on coming.

As I struggle to get up, my thoughts contemplate a little more, and it hits me how good G-d is to me. He gave me such a special loving wife. I know she is there for me. I am not alone. We are there for each other, supporting each other.

G-d answered my prayers once again! These thoughts give me the security and encouragement that I need to begin facing what the day will bring. This gives me the strength I need to get moving. Through the haze of tiredness I drag myself through the motions of getting up, dressed and out the door.

I go outside and get into my car. I arrive at my work-place and try to throw myself into my work. It helps for the first half hour until I just can’t shake my mind away from worrying about my baby. I am simply unable to focus on work anymore. I feel I must check up on him.

 I call the hospital. The nurse tells me that at the moment my baby son is not breathing so well. They are trying to figure out what is wrong.

Immediately those tentacles which were still resting right beside my heart tighten themselves again. My headache returned with a vengeance as if it was shot into me from a cannon.  I cant think clearly. I try to control my breathing as I hesitate to call my wife, knowing it will be difficult telling her the news.

Just then, my phone chirps. I received a text.

Just hearing the chirp gets me excited, as I’m thinking maybe it would distract my mind from worrying about my baby.

I look at the text. It is from my neighbor who has stayed in close contact with us since this whole episode started when our baby was born. Already my heart warms up a little. It feels so good knowing how much our neighbors care. They don’t see us often anymore as we spend a lot of our time at the hospital, yet they still constantly keep in touch with us.

The text reads as follows, “Hi, we are constantly davening for you, and we hope your baby’s situation improves. Please let us know if you need anything”.

 This is not the first time the neighbor offered to do anything for us. They have already made us meals in the past. They helped with a smile, as if they weren’t doing us a big favor. They showed us that they sincerely wanted give to us. Knowing this made us feel comfortable asking them for favors when we were in need. With this in my mind, it is so much easier for me to decide to ask them to make us dinner tonight. I know they sincerely want to help.

 It would be good for my wife and I not to have to worry about what we would eat tonight. Plus, a delicious, hot, fresh, homemade, meal is always a body warmer in a situation like this. I ask them if they can make us supper and immediately they reply that it’s their pleasure.

For another time today, a fire of warmth lights up for me. The icy blackness which had previously engulfed me melts away a little. I breathe a deep breath of fresh air. Now I have some good news to share with my wife when I call her. I have something to lighten her day. Since I have something pleasant to talk about I do not have to worry about calling her anymore.

I call my wife and the positive energy created by the neighbor’s friendly offer spreads. Talking to her and to myself I remind myself that G-d will take care and He will help our baby get better. I get the resources which I need to strengthen my commitment in my faith in G-d.

When we are finished talking we both hang up in good spirits, secure in the knowledge that G-d is with us watching over us, and feeling surrounded by the kindness offered to us by our neighbors. Encouraged, I say another prayer from deep down in my heart. G-d, pplleeaasse let my dear tiny beloved baby show signs of improvement.

Now I feel ready to return to work. And I have something to look forward to, going back to the hospital after work. Today is going to be a good day!

Finally the long, tiring work day away from my baby is over. I call my wife once again to see how she fared the rest of the day. I expect to hear her voice falling apart, for she is at the hospital, the “site of the scene”, contending with the harsh reality of our baby’s situation alone. She picks up the phone and there is happiness in her voice! My heart lightens and the heaviness in my mood drops. I am able to take a deep breath. What happened!?

When I arrive at the hospital to a smiling wife, she tells me. Her sister drove from a distance away to visit her. She knew just what to bring to help change the focus to happy things. She created a calm, pleasant atmosphere, one which helped relieve my wife’s stress and invigorated her. This positive mood in turn passes over to me when I arrive!

 We go to the room where we are staying and have a delicious, hot, dinner all prepared ready to eat. It hits the spot. This is the first real meal either of us managed to eat today. It gives both of us the encouragement we need, and leaves us feeling satisfied as well as more upbeat about our situation. Again we feel that our neighbor’s care and concern is surrounding us.

We visit our baby and together we manage to create a nice, loving aura in the dreary hospital room. It is important for us to give positive energy to our baby so that he will have the strength he needs to get better. I sing happy songs to the baby, refreshed by the inspiration I received that day from the love of my family and friends.

I feel ready to collapse into bed after an exhausting day; Now, I am even looking forward a bit, ready to tackle the coming day!

What happened to me today that now I am more prepared to deal with the next day?! It was the warm guiding hands of those around me. Without the encouragement and love which I was shown by my friends and family I would not have been able to make it through the day. It was the sincerity and kindness of these others which kept me going. Their support kept me from falling.

This scenario plays itself out over and over for nearly everyone experiencing having a sick relative in a serious situation. For people like this making it through the day can sometimes seem impossible. It is with the life-saving love and support from others that they are able to go on.

Absolutely no one in such a difficult situation should be left alone. However, unfortunately there exist people in such difficult situations who are alone. There are people out there who do not have that vital network of love and support.

This support must then be provided for them! There is an organization that exists named Yedid Nefesh. It is just for this reason that Yedid Nefesh was created. Yedid Nefesh’s motto is ”Doing our best to give our best, to people in their time of need.” Yedid Nefesh tries to provide the comfort and security which is so vital for people experiencing trouble in their lives.

At this time Yedid Nefesh is focused on providing articles which offer support, inspiration, and warmth to people going through crisis. Eventually Yedid Nefesh plans to spread out and offer more hands on support such as providing meals and visits to people in need.

 No one living through hardship should be left without this crucial support system. If you are in such a difficult situation Yedid Nefesh is there for you!

May all pain and suffering be wiped away from us very soon!