WRITTEN BY SHMUEL T. ADLER
(This article is a continuation from Article 20)
The following examples which I will write in the next few articles show so beautifully and clearly how one doesn’t necessarily have to say or do something major in order to provide the much needed support to one who is experiencing difficulty.
The entire experience with my dear son Yehoshua has been a great roller coaster. However there were a few times that I literally felt that I was at my wits end; I felt totally, utterly and entirely overwhelmed. I felt that I could not go any further. And then something happened which gave me new found optimism and strength; a literal techiyas hameisim.
What happened that totally turned my situation around? As I will proceed to describe, it was just simple things which people said or did; nothing major or crazy or anything too out of the ordinary.
Many, many people helped us and encouraged us so much, my parents and siblings; my wife’s parents and siblings, and so many friends; I am picking an example which sticks out very strongly in my head.
It was before our dear Yehoshua was born, and practically every doctor we spoke to; regular doctors, top doctors, everyone; was predicting a very serious, negative prognosis for our unborn child. At one point I felt like I was being hit and drowned head on by a tidal wave. I felt entirely overwhelmed.
I remember exactly where I was at the moment, when I was speaking to my dear, beloved, twin brother, Avrohom Eliezer, on the phone, when he said something which made my whole mood totally flip around.
Looking back, if I would choose one person who I feel had the biggest part in helping me personally stay sane during this whole episode, it is my twin brother.
My brother lives in Israel; I live in the US. I was in the car delivering something, driving on one of the main streets of Elizabeth, NJ. I was crying hysterical tears to my twin brother, on the phone. At that time only very few people knew what was going on. When the first doctors told us their negative prognosis’, I was able to manage to hold myself together. But as doctor after doctor were telling us their (life and) death psak, I fell apart. I was crying and telling my brother how badly I wanted to have a healthy, live child; and what the doctors were saying would turn out to be not true.
The few, simple words my brother told me, infused me with hope, strength, and bitachon. I will write what exactly he said to me soon. But that’s not the point. The point is; my brother not only lives in a different state than me; he lives in an entirely different country, miles and miles away. I wasn’t even speaking to him in person that he could put his arm over my shoulders; it was on the phone. He didn’t give me $10,000; nor did he sponsor me to take a helicopter ride; or even to eat out at a cheap restaurant for that matter. Not only that, my brother to this day has never even had the opportunity to see Yehoshua! He wasn’t a volunteer for an organization, with experience talking to people in situations like these; and he never really went through anything remotely similar to this either. He just simply wanted to comfort me and help me; and he just simply talked to me for a few minutes. And my brother simply talking to me and encouraging me, changed my whole entire situation around. I went from feeling, totally, utterly, and completely overwhelmed, to feeling infused with strength I didn’t know existed just a moment ago.
My brother did not even say anything catastrophic. It wasn’t an hour speech about how much he is there for me and how much he loves me etc. He told me the following. (Everyone gets inspiration in their own way, and what inspired me may not inspire someone else. Again, I am writing what my brother said to me, but that isn’t the point of the article). “Shmuel Tzvi, you are not a guest to the idea of bitachon. You have been working on yourself for many years. You are a strong person. You just have to continue having the strong bitachon which you already had; and believe that everything will turn out good and the baby will be born healthy.”
My brother was right. Inspired by his words and encouragement, I connected myself to the bitachon which I had already been working on for years, only now it was much less theoretical; in was right in my face. And once my brother empowered me to do that with his simple words, I regained my strength to believe that everything would turn out fine.
One does not at all have to do a monumental act or say an incredible thing to encourage their friend in need. Small, simple things, can do a whole lot; quite often even more than great incredible acts.
To be continued …
L’zchus Refua Sheleima Yehoshua Ben Nechama Aliza; L’iluy Nishmas Chaim Pinchos ben Yaakov Yitzchok