WRITTEN BY SHMUEL T. ADLER
When one experiences difficulty, a significant portion of the hardship can be unnecessarily created by the person themselves. Things outside the actual difficulty, incorrectly and unnecessarily are turned into sources of stress.
One way this idea can display itself is in the performance of certain mitzvos. Certain mitzvos have the potential to cause great stress to a person. However when this happens the stress is created by the person themselves. G-d did not at all give mitzvos with the intent that they should create stress. Quite the contrary; if one sees that a mitzva is causing them stress it is safe to assume that they are not performing the mitzva properly. The Torah says “Deracheha darchei noam”; “The ways of the Torah, ie the mitzvos, are pleasant.” One should ask for advice and figure out ways to make mitzvos which tend to cause them stress that they can become stress free.
A good example of this, (touched on in a previous article), can be preparing for Shabbos (or Yom Tov). Preparing for Shabbos has the potential for many people to be difficult and a great source of stress. This can ruin the hours leading up to Shabbos, causing one to get angry and upset with one’s spouse or children, and can effect one’s mood during Shabbos itself. Shabbos was definitely not meant to be this way. If one would take a step back and plan a bit, there are ways one can mitigate the intensity of the hours before Shabbos so that they won’t be so taxing. Beginning to prepare earlier in the week, designating family members to get more involved in helping, or even sometimes making a little less food (better to have a little less food but an anger free Thursday, Friday and Shabbos), are ideas which may be helpful.
This is all true when one’s life is “normal” without any exceptional difficulty going on; this is particularly true when one is experiencing difficulty. Performing certain mitzvos can tend to add to all of the stress and a seeming burden, and when one is experiencing difficulty this burden may threaten to become overwhelming.
Chazal say “Ain HaKadosh Baruch Hu ba bitronia im briyosav”. Loosely translated this means “G-d does not come to cause friction for His creations”. This tells us that G-d is in no way whatsoever at all “out to get us”. Although at times this may be hard to accept, when G-d gives one a nisayon He is giving it for good. He does not ch”v hate the person. Just the opposite, Rabbeinu Yona writes in Shaarei Teshuva that if one is experiencing particular difficulty this is a sign that G-d particularly loves this person.
Taking this a step further, G-d does not intend or desire His mitzvos to exacerbate an already difficult situation. It is absolutely unnecessary for mitzvos to make a hard situation worse. When one finds themselves feeling as if their back is in a corner, or even in a regular situation, one must ask advice and guidance regarding what exactly their responsibility is and what exactly are the requirements of a specific mitzva. As a general rule, G-d does not want our lives to be difficult, and He certainly does not want His mitzvos to cause our lives to be difficult.
The gemara tells us that if it is raining in the succah enough to remove the obligation for one to sit in the succah, and a person eats in the succah anyways, they are called a “chasid shotah” – an “overzealous fool”. This is the idea which we are discussing; each mitzva has its particular requirements and ramifications and without advice and guidance as to what exactly these requirements are, one’s impositions on themselves often can be self-created. The guy sitting in a succah when it’s raining enough that he is not required to remain there, is creating discomfort to himself which is not a requisite of the mitzva at all.
I heard directly from Rebbetzin Chana Weinberg a”h (wife of R”Y of Ner Yisroel HaRav Yaakov Weinberg zt”l, daughter of 1st R”Y of Ner Yisroel HaRav Yaakov Yitzchok Ruderman zt”l) that if one finds that a particular chesed which they are doing is becoming a burden to them, than they should stop doing that chesed! Like we are saying, G-d does not want His mitzvos to be burdens on us.
I would like to end off this Part 1 with the following update and great example of the idea discussed here.
BH our son Yehoshua was transferred from the NICU to a rehab hospital a few weeks ago. Although it is an extremely exciting milestone, it was an extremely nerve wracking one. He got a bad fever soon after he was admitted to rehab and he had to be re-admitted back to the hospital on Shabbos a few weeks ago. BH he is back in the rehab now and doing very, very well.
Mainly due to all the recent happenings with Yehoshua, my limited time became even more limited. Thus I found that writing Yedid Nefesh articles was threatening to become a source of stress to me. I felt that writing Yedid Nefesh articles was great but like we are discussing, I felt that they should not be an added source of stress. I came up with a great solution. I could still write quality articles but keep them shorter. In this way, it wouldn’t be a cause for stress because I wouldn’t need to feel pressure to write a huge large article; furthermore, it would be easier for you readers, because they wouldn’t be 4 pages long!! Thank you for all of your support and encouragement!
To be continued . . .
L’zchus Refua Sheleima Yehoshua Ben Nechama Aliza; L’iluy Nishmas Chaim Pinchos ben Yaakov Yitzchok